This is for all the times I’ve stood in a mirror for way too long overanalyzing my features, praying that my insecurities would melt away. Hoping that my booty grew or my acne would just give it a rest. This is for the time I opened my front camera after 3 days of not looking at myself to see that acne had taken over and I was someone I could not recognize. This is hard, but this is for me. A few weeks ago I posted a picture that was untouched, unrefined. Heart beating, sweating, pass out scary. But so necessary. Instagram is a powerful platform, but I wanted to hold myself accountable and add it to my blog for good measure. Think it, write it, say it aloud, pray upon it to solidify. Here goes.
1. My real name is not Subi 💕 — For those of you who have known me for some time, my real name is not far from that name I go by now. Everyone started calling me this when I started college and it sort of stuck. It was a family name and now this is what people yell across the quad to get my attention! I like the sound of it.
2. Acne is my biggest insecurity. — Woah. Heart beating, sweating, pass out, breathe. Acne is my biggest insecurity. In my senior year of high school, I began AP classes in order to get ahead for college. This was the time that my acne began as well. Sleepless nights, stress and a whole lot of coffee. There was no getting a hold of it. My mom surprised me with proactive during Christmas holiday and my skin was clear for years. I love proactive. Summer 2017. The summer before my senior year of college rolls around and after some research, I decided that Proactiv was hurting more than helping me. (Seriously guys it’s a super drug for acne.) I was in the midst of changing the way I lived and wanted to try a natural route. I knew the acne would come back but never the way it did. It was bad. When I had a bad breakout, which was quite often, I would want to run and hide in a dark room from everyone. This is the one thing in my life that I feel like I’ll never be able to control. I am challenging myself to embrace this insecurity and use it to inspire and uplift because no one should look in the mirror and not like what they see. I’m learning to embrace all of my flaws. One step at a time. I’m planning to write a post all about my skin journey soon guys, so stay tuned.
3. I have never been to a hair salon. — Such a silly truth but really! I taught myself to do my hair: trim it, style it, and nourish it. It may not be perfect but it’s working for me! I could never find a stylist to do my hair or cut it without applying heat and that was and is a no-go for me. It wasn’t until a few years ago that deva cuts, trims, and haircuts formulated for curly hair evolved and became uber popular. One day, I’d like to take a leap and trust in a stylist to give me my first experience in their chair.
4. Nothing makes my heart sing more than travel. The rush of takeoff and the thrill of being in the air, the colors, immersing myself in different cultures the clouds… there is nothing like it. Many of you know that I went abroad for the first time in the fall of 2016 for school. My world has been changed since. One day I will travel the world and make money off of adventure.
5. My favorite color is Blue 🦋 — No wild story here, I’ve always loved blue. As a child up until high school, it was all I would wear. I felt most at peace in blue. Maybe it’s because blue reminds me of the sea? I love the ocean and the wonderful things in it, and this brings me to my sixth truth.
6. I am a Cancer 🦀 — Yea yea, we’re intense. Nià if you’re reading this don’t even girl LOL. I had no clue about horoscopes and all that star sign stuff until recently and I’m learning. Some of it accurate, other stuff, eh, I feel like it’s not talking about me, but do all cancers say that?? I am intense though, honest and sometimes a liiiitttle unwilling to take on blame immediately before explaining myself. (Confession.) But we all have our weaknesses right? I am still learning mine.
7. #SubiToVegan — I have just begun my journey into a meatless diet in the efforts to get a hold on my health. Lately, my body hasn’t been processing meat or fish as it used to, so I went out on a limb and decided to give it all up. It’s going well! I’m documenting my journey as a college student on meal plan through Instagram with a highlight stuck to my page. It’s going well! I’ll let you guys know when I give up ice cream. hahaha *neverrr*
8. Fear of Driving — It wasn’t always this way. I had my first car accident on October 15,2017 at 12:15AM. Each time I step into a car, I relive those horrible moments. It’s almost like I’m in a movie, outside looking in at the tragedy. Every day I think about what I could have done to prevent it, but we can’t change the past. Slowly but surely, I’m making my peace with it. I don’t know when and if I’ll ever be confident enough to get behind the wheel again, but whenever that time comes, I pray to be ready 🚘
9. Hidden Talents — I sing. Not in the belt-it-to-your-favorite-song-in-the- shower kind of sing, though I do that too. I was in chorus/choir from elementary school until I graduated from high school. I’m not Beyonce but ya girl can carry a tune!! When I got to college, I gave it up because I thought I was wasting my time when I could be taking classes. God granted me this beautiful gift and I don’t use it often enough. I’m going to sing more, maybe I’ll film a youtube video this year with my vocals in the back, we’ll see.
10. Flowers = Funerals? — I don’t like the smell of cut flowers because they remind me of funerals🥀 I’ll never forget the day of my grandfather’s funeral and the tens of flowers in our house, at the church, at the memorial home. I was so young but that smell, I haven’t forgotten. I’m not a fan of bouquets for this reason, though they are pretty. But, give me a green, living, breathing plant in a pot and I’m warm all over happy.
11. Smile — My favorite part about me. See me in any family photo, I am cheezing like mozzarella, I love smiling!! It makes me feel good, and especially when I’m around people who I love and who have really great energy, it’s a done deal. You won’t find me smiling down the street like a goof tho, that creeps me out!!
Hopefully, this, all of you will know me a little better. There’s much more to me, but this is a start.
Sending you hugs and good energy through the internet waves,