Serious FOMO is a NO GO

You know that feeling you get when something is going on and you’re not there but I just want to be a part of it? Or when you see a friend in a relationship and how much fun they’re having, and you wonder, when will it be my turn? What about just sitting at home, scrolling on social media and you see someone you follow, maybe even admire, and you think, wow their life is so much more interesting than mine. Pretty soon you’ll be in a place of asking yourself how far you’ve come and what do you have to show for it in comparison to them, and before you know it, you’re dissatisfied with so many things that may actually be accomplishments and victories of yours. You, my friend, have FOMO.

What is FOMO? Also known as the fear of missing out, it is actually a form of social anxiety – a compulsive concern that one might miss an opportunity or satisfying event, often sparked by posts seen on social media websites. This could be anything ranging from the most minor, wanting to be the first in line because you’re anxious about getting good concert seats, or even the ones I mentioned above.

When I was in college, I had serious FOMO. I used to get minimal sleep because I would go to every event, every party that I could, fit in a seminar and spread myself thin all because I was afraid that I might miss something. When I was in high school, I wanted to be in college, and when I was in college, I couldn’t wait to grow up so that I could be in the real world and far away from my campus. It wasn’t until a really good friend of mine, and to this day she is much like a sister, told me, “Subi, you’re always doing something. You have serious FOMO, hun.” Number one I had never heard that word before. Number two, because I had no idea what it was, I was all the more offended! So I asked and she explained to me that the more we feel a need to be elsewhere, anywhere other than the present and growing, truly living in the moment, the more unhealthy we don’t realize we are. I had FOMO of the future. I was so caught up in rushing into the next step in life, so sure that what was ahead was so much better and worth my time than where I currently was, that I had allowed so much to pass me by. But most of all, I was wasting time in the present.

A decision had to be made about how I wanted to proceed. I could brush it off and keep doing the same old thing. Or, I could make a conscious decision to live in and appreciate the present for what it was. This is much easier said than done. For some, all it takes is an alteration of what you focus your attention on. Dwell less on the possibility of a loss: time, memory making, travel, likes on social media, and hone in more on immediate achievement, benefits, and payoffs. Write down some goals that you want to work toward, and set intentions to get right where you want to be, by being the best version of yourself in the present. Clear your social media feed of anyone and anything that is not mentally healthy or inspiring. Follow people who inspire your creative interest and Focus more on what is occurring in the now.

The person I am today is not who I was four years ago. I look back and shake my head at all the time that I wasted, hoping to be somewhere, anywhere other than where I was, but I also smile. Being in that space taught me how precious living in the now is. The present is my favorite place to be now; I am learning so much about myself and am pushing myself to be better than who I was yesterday. That is the only person or thing that anyone should have FOMO about. Leave room for more celebration of the little things, all your little things. Xoxo.

Sincerely,

Subi

11 Truths.

This is for all the times I’ve stood in a mirror for way too long overanalyzing my features, praying that my insecurities would melt away. Hoping that my booty grew or my acne would just give it a rest. This is for the time I opened my front camera after 3 days of not looking at myself to see that acne had taken over and I was someone I could not recognize. This is hard, but this is for me. A few weeks ago I posted a picture that was untouched, unrefined. Heart beating, sweating, pass out scary. But so necessary. Instagram is a powerful platform, but I wanted to hold myself accountable and add it to my blog for good measure. Think it, write it, say it aloud, pray upon it to solidify. Here goes. 
1. My real name is not Subi 💕 — For those of you who have known me for some time, my real name is not far from that name I go by now. Everyone started calling me this when I started college and it sort of stuck. It was a family name and now this is what people yell across the quad to get my attention! I like the sound of it.
2. Acne is my biggest insecurity. — Woah. Heart beating, sweating, pass out, breathe. Acne is my biggest insecurity. In my senior year of high school, I began AP classes in order to get ahead for college. This was the time that my acne began as well. Sleepless nights, stress and a whole lot of coffee. There was no getting a hold of it. My mom surprised me with proactive during Christmas holiday and my skin was clear for years. I love proactive. Summer 2017. The summer before my senior year of college rolls around and after some research, I decided that Proactiv was hurting more than helping me. (Seriously guys it’s a super drug for acne.) I was in the midst of changing the way I lived and wanted to try a natural route. I knew the acne would come back but never the way it did. It was bad. When I had a bad breakout, which was quite often, I would want to run and hide in a dark room from everyone. This is the one thing in my life that I feel like I’ll never be able to control. I am challenging myself to embrace this insecurity and use it to inspire and uplift because no one should look in the mirror and not like what they see. I’m learning to embrace all of my flaws. One step at a time. I’m planning to write a post all about my skin journey soon guys, so stay tuned. 
3. I have never been to a hair salon. — Such a silly truth but really! I taught myself to do my hair: trim it, style it, and nourish it. It may not be perfect but it’s working for me! I could never find a stylist to do my hair or cut it without applying heat and that was and is a no-go for me. It wasn’t until a few years ago that deva cuts, trims, and haircuts formulated for curly hair evolved and became uber popular. One day, I’d like to take a leap and trust in a stylist to give me my first experience in their chair.
4. Nothing makes my heart sing more than travel. The rush of takeoff and the thrill of being in the air, the colors, immersing myself in different cultures the clouds… there is nothing like it. Many of you know that I went abroad for the first time in the fall of 2016 for school. My world has been changed since. One day I will travel the world and make money off of adventure.
5. My favorite color is Blue 🦋 — No wild story here, I’ve always loved blue. As a child up until high school, it was all I would wear. I felt most at peace in blue. Maybe it’s because blue reminds me of the sea? I love the ocean and the wonderful things in it, and this brings me to my sixth truth.
6. I am a Cancer 🦀 — Yea yea, we’re intense. Nià if you’re reading this don’t even girl LOL. I had no clue about horoscopes and all that star sign stuff until recently and I’m learning. Some of it accurate, other stuff, eh, I feel like it’s not talking about me, but do all cancers say that?? I am intense though, honest and sometimes a liiiitttle unwilling to take on blame immediately before explaining myself. (Confession.) But we all have our weaknesses right? I am still learning mine.
7. #SubiToVegan — I have just begun my journey into a meatless diet in the efforts to get a hold on my health. Lately, my body hasn’t been processing meat or fish as it used to, so I went out on a limb and decided to give it all up. It’s going well! I’m documenting my journey as a college student on meal plan through Instagram with a highlight stuck to my page. It’s going well! I’ll let you guys know when I give up ice cream. hahaha *neverrr*
8. Fear of Driving — It wasn’t always this way. I had my first car accident on October 15,2017 at 12:15AM. Each time I step into a car, I relive those horrible moments. It’s almost like I’m in a movie, outside looking in at the tragedy. Every day I think about what I could have done to prevent it, but we can’t change the past. Slowly but surely, I’m making my peace with it. I don’t know when and if I’ll ever be confident enough to get behind the wheel again, but whenever that time comes, I pray to be ready 🚘
9. Hidden Talents — I sing. Not in the belt-it-to-your-favorite-song-in-the- shower kind of sing, though I do that too. I was in chorus/choir from elementary school until I graduated from high school. I’m not Beyonce but ya girl can carry a tune!! When I got to college, I gave it up because I thought I was wasting my time when I could be taking classes. God granted me this beautiful gift and I don’t use it often enough. I’m going to sing more, maybe I’ll film a youtube video this year with my vocals in the back, we’ll see.
10. Flowers = Funerals? — I don’t like the smell of cut flowers because they remind me of funerals🥀 I’ll never forget the day of my grandfather’s funeral and the tens of flowers in our house, at the church, at the memorial home. I was so young but that smell, I haven’t forgotten. I’m not a fan of bouquets for this reason, though they are pretty. But, give me a green, living, breathing plant in a pot and I’m warm all over happy.
11. Smile — My favorite part about me. See me in any family photo, I am cheezing like mozzarella, I love smiling!! It makes me feel good, and especially when I’m around people who I love and who have really great energy, it’s a done deal. You won’t find me smiling down the street like a goof tho, that creeps me out!!
Hopefully,  this, all of you will know me a little better. There’s much more to me, but this is a start.

 

Sending you hugs and good energy through the internet waves,

xoxo, Subi

Back for the Long Haul

Hey there,

My my my has it been a while. The seasons have changed, the world has changed, and so has the year. I met all my goals for 2017, finally committed to creating content as an influencer, I wrote more, and then stopped writing. In 2017 I came face to face with my biggest insecurities and turned my beauty into strength. In October I had my first car accident that almost took my life, and since changed my outlook on living ever since. When I look back on all that has happened in my life, the good, the bad, I’m reminded of the importance being in tune: mentally, physically and emotionally. Today I’m here to make a pact with myself.

I will not run myself dry. — In the past two years I have learned so much about myself. Throughout the year I check, in with my closest friends and ask if there is anything that I could work on, to be a better friend, person, and better me. One of the biggest realizations that I had, thanks to a friend, is that I had FOMO. Jeannette if you’re reading this, thank you. I had no idea what this was, never heard of it or even remotely familiar with the phrase. Fear of Missing Out. For so long I had prided myself on always being busy and staying busy that I didn’t understand that all busy is not good busy. When an opportunity would come my way, I would take it. I told myself that “when will I get an opportunity like this again.” Or “I can move somethings around and make this work.” Maybe it was the people-pleaser in me, but I could not bring myself to decline an opportunity, even if it meant giving up essential things I needed to thrive. I became overwhelmed, stressed, and tired as hell. Having that conversation, with someone who knew me so well, was refreshing and so necessary. She saw right through me and was able to act as a mirror, to let me know that sometimes that tiredness I’m feeling should not be ignored, and taking care of me was important too. So this year I plan to keep my cup full and remain in tune with myself so that when the time comes to say no, or yes, I will do it wholeheartedly and be sure of myself.

I will not accept less than what I know I deserve. — There is no big story here. Just a fact that women, and men, everywhere should say aloud on the daily. There is no reason why anyone, anywhere should have to compromise a part of themselves or take less than what is written for them. If only you would have fought for that raise, maybe you should have been upfront with that brand about what your rates for promotions were, maybe you should have told your significant other/ person where you truly stand. Anytime you find yourself willing to make a decision to please someone else and you are not at peace, repeat the phrase in your head, aloud even. “I will not accept less than what I know I deserve.”  Apply this to your relationships- business and professional – and the rest will fall into place. As Drake would say, “Know yourself, know your worth.” This mentality is one I will say daily.

More Creating.  — Albert Camus said, “To create is to live twice.” When I came back from France two years ago, everything fell into place. I started writing and documenting my travels, my journey through life became a story that I had no trouble sharing. I was on a roll, my happiest times were documented and I felt alive and free, I was doing school, and writing for a magazine, and doing it well. Somewhere along the way I just decided, eh, kinda want to be a hermit right now so no more. I’m good. But I missed it. And I’m making a pact with myself to keep going. Keep doing. More creating. Because it makes my heart sing, because new experiences fuel me, and adventures bring me joy. So I will continue to do what I love – whether that be to write, to sing, to dance, to love, and document it all. To have a space to look back on this wonderfull life and say, “yea, I did that.”

No more dreaming. — “Be. Don’t try to become.” – Osho   For all the people in the world who say, “man I would love to go to Europe,” or “If only I had the courage to start my youtube channel.” Maybe you’re the one in the room who makes promises to yourself. “I’m going to try to be better at this,” or “my biggest dream is to go to Martinique.” There are people in the world who took wishful thinking and turned it into a plan of action. They’ve been to Europe. Your favorite blog? Yea, they run that. Mozambique? They went there last week. What I mean to say is that while you are sitting there and dreaming, someone has already done, or is doing it. And you can too. You want to go to Istanbul? Make a plan, do your research, talk to people who have been there, save that money! Easier said than done, but if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. I have a saying that I’ve started saying often, and it’s growing on me. “Nothing will happen unless you make it so.” No longer am I going to dream about what I want my life to look like, but rather make it so. If I want to have a good day, I’m going to get up and head to the gym, because I know that’s what gets me moving and ready to be awesome. If I want to feel good, I’m going to listen to my body and stay away from dairy and meat, because I know it doesn’t make my body feel good. I want to work with a brand? I’m sending that email, trying their products so they know I am an active customer and am genuinely here for more than just the perks. So no more dreaming, instead I will do.

Trust The Process. — Quite possibly one of the most important things to keep in mind in order to live a life of peace and well-being. I always say that what is for you, God has already written. So there is no need to fear for the future. I remind myself of this every day. To put forth the work and effort on my part, and then give the rest to God, because past that point there is nothing else I can do. All of my triumphs, my greatest moments are because of Him. So that is my promise, my mantra for 2018; my mantra for life.

 

Sending hugs through the internet waves,

Subi

 

 

#SubiTo21

Hey there,

21. The year when your age in America finally opens doors that have been closed to you for so long. You can rent a car, book vacations, buy your own drinks (finally), change your driver’s license (we all know we don’t look the same as we did when we were 16) and you can order a glass of wine at dinner. 21. The beginning of a new era, an age to be reckoned with, the end of adolescence.

This year on July 5, 2016 I turned 21 years old. Since 19 I had made it my mission to be better, do more, give more, worry and complain less, to give myself room to grow, to learn from my mistakes and to give myself grace. So at 20 I went to France and I was free to do all of this and more; I had no more excuses. I made the most genuine friends in such a short amount of time and on my birthday they showed me a reflection of what I saw in them.

I woke up that morning refreshed and not feeling any different than I did the day before, but there was something in the air, and I couldn’t wait to figure it out. I went out to an appointment and then went window shopping in the shops downtown. In my Kente dress from Africa and my braids flowing, with no makeup on I truly felt like my best self. The sun was shining and nothing could take my joy. My dear friend then took me for a day of pampering- manicures and pedicures and gifted me with a candle for a day of self care; it couldn’t get better.

I went out for margaritas with my Haitian big sisters, and my newest friends whom I met in France took me out for dinner at this new Italian place in town called the Dolce Vita. The pasta is made in house and the bread is fresh out of the oven every hour; I was overwhelmed. (I really love bread.) The love and light that my friends showed me this day was a true showcase of friendship. I am the planner, the big picture taker, the dinner party hostess, the girl who always thinks out meticulous plans for the ones I love. This was the first time that I was on the receiving end of the spectrum. I cried several times. It’s rare that I find people who really know me the way that these guys do, and for such a short time. I was touched, humbled and I felt so loved.

I gave thanks for all of my friends and the impact they have had in my life over these few years that weekend and I hope they felt the love that I have for them in every moment. I can’t wait to see what year 21 will bring. I am ready to be vulnerable and let the Light in.

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Good vibes and sunshine headed your way.

P.S. Should I start an advice section? You guys should email me/ comment below on topics you want to hear about! Can’t wait! Xoxo

Sincerely,

Subi

The Trouble with Comparison.

Hey there!

Summer months are important; the #glowup is so crucial to so many of us. You may find yourself wrapped up in YouTube videos on how to slay your hair poolside or how to contour effectively… you might just find yourself in a place where you start to think/say “Why can’t I do this like …” Stop. Right. There.

Someone once came to me in a state; they were worried about so many things and had many questions. “Why am I single? Why don’t I have a job? Why don’t I know what I’m doing with the rest of my life? So and So just got engaged, I’m 20! Why haven’t I found the one? What if I never find the one? Why is everything so hard? Why am I here, why do we even do it all? What’s the point?” So it got me thinking; Why is everyone always comparing themselves to other people, celebrities, friends? How do you be and become your best self and constantly compare your progress to others? You can’t. You won’t. Think of these 5 things next time you freak out:

  1. There is no rush. You have so much of your life to explore, and to simply, be. Your 20s will be the best years of your life; don’t waste them. I read somewhere that life should be about the verbs. So go hiking, swimming in a lagoon, swimming with dolphins, explore and live. Be selfish, take yourself out to a dine in restaurant- alone. Go on that trip you’ve always wanted to go on. Travel to the beach solo, put yourself out of your comfort zone, you meet so many more people this way, trust me.
  2. Do not put people on a pedestal who relate to you in no ways. One big mistake that someone can do is to look up to someone or idolize someone who has nothing in common with them. For instance, say you have a hair crush, and you watch all of their YouTube videos, study their hair regimen, but the products they use, and after 2 months of the same thing you see no changes in you hair. Your hair is not growing like theirs is, and now you’re sad. Ask yourself: why am I not seeing changes? Do we have the same hair type? Do we live in the same environment? What works for one person may not work for you. Shake it off and head back to the drawing board; you got this.
  3. There is a reason for everything. Every thought that passes through your beautiful mind, whether you act upon it or not, has a reason behind it. Do you sleep all day because you’re tired, or because you’re afraid? Are you really putting yourself in a position to be proud of yourself? Are you giving yourself grace? If not, why? Why does it hurt you to see someone doing better than you are? Are you truly confident, really confident? Do you live for you, or for everyone else? If not for you, than for who? IMG_0535
  4. Be your own fire. Use what inspires you as a guide and make it your own. Your favorite blogger may travel around the world, and you may want to do the same but you know your bank account is not having ittt (we’ve all been there). Put yourself in a position to make all of your “I wish could” thoughts into “When I…” spoken words of action. You are the only one with the power to change who you are, inspiration is simply fuel. Only YOU can be the one to strike the match and set that fire ablaze. It’s okay to be afraid, but go ahead, dot it. Light it up.
  5. It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re not where you want to be. This is the first step to bring you right where you were meant to be all along. The first step on any road to the top is acknowledging that there is a problem. All things worth doing are not always easy. The minute you get out of your comfort zone and put yourself in a position for change, real results, nothing can stop you. Those same people who you want to be like don’t have it all figured out, I assure you! They didn’t end up where they are overnight. So, what do you want to change about yourself? Do you want to read more? Exercise more? Save more? Be less careful? Be bolder? Be more?
  6. The only person that you have to compete with is the person you were yesterday. It’s all about perception. If you killed the day yesterday, wouldn’t you want to do it all over again tomorrow, but better and with more passion, with less complaints? That is who you should aim to be. The best version of yourself. Not the girl who has a different hair type and whose body is thin and fit. But you, flaws and all. This goes to say that you know yourself better than anyone else- guaranteed. Only you know what truly works for you, so listen to your body, your hair, and your heart & head combined. This is the most important thing to keep in mind. Challenge yourself. Leap to new heights. Give more. Be more. IMG_1710
  7. There is strength and something to be feared in the one who is completely themselves. Guys believe me! Remember that man/woman who you had your eye on, but whose attention got caught by the sassy woman /striking man across the room? That was no stroke of luck. You attract what you offer. When you walk into a room and all these thought are in your head, is your outfit right? Do you look like you could pull this all off with minimal effort? Are you comparing yourself to the woman 2 leagues from you who looks put together? All of these worries, these thoughts, are written on your face and people can tell. So why fret? The person you are is who you are, and your friends and significant others will be able to tell that this is the real you, truly you. There is nothing to fear. Let all of the stress and What-Ifs go.

We all have things we wish we could change, people we want to be, but in the end, we all just need to be ourselves and stop comparing ourselves to others. Comparison of yourself to others is a root of unhappiness, and no one wants to be without joy. The moment in which you decide to drop the self-doubt, the worries, the fear, is the moment that you become a true force, and you are just that. If you have any questions about who I am, what’s going on in my head as I write these pieces and share them with you guys, why I am who I am, don’t hesitate to reach out, and post a comment.  Send me an email, come through on Instagram, Twitter, I want to hear from you! Don’t forget to subscribe, let me know what you guys want to see, what you thought of the post, if you’d like me to write something or if you just want to say hi! Follow me on social media, all of that info is on the Contact Page.

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I am still growing and changing. With each day comes a new lesson, I am learning each day. With a few weeks left until I am 21, I still have so much to learn.

Sending you light and good vibes on this beautiful day to be alive.

 

Sincerely,

Subi

 

 

 

I Got a Plant!!

Hey there!

Welcome back to my little sunshine blog!  If this is the first time you’re seeing my blog, take a look around! I’m trying to provide more content that’s more than reviews and natural hair products, so let me know if you guys like this!

It’s final exam season at my University and there is stress all around. People are staying up until 5 am with classes at 9 am, students are grabbing fast food in an attempt to combat hunger and most of all, we are spending so much time inside and under artificial light. There came to a point in time this week where I asked myself, “when was the last time you sat outside, smelled the flowers?” I couldn’t answer the question. So one day as I was walking to the bus (woohoo for public transportation) I saw there was a little plant sale going on in the plaza. I had 5 minutes until the bus pulled up and all I could think was that I had to have a plant! Three minutes and $5 later, I was the owner of this little beauty! I don’t even know what the plant is called, there are 4 types in the pot, but it brought so much light and life into my apartment and life was so good in that moment.

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This little guy is going to live on my window sill for the time being. Maybe I’ll buy some more so he doesn’t get lonely! Nature and being centered is so important to me so I love the idea of plants surrounding me and attracting light into different spaces.

Don’t forget to subscribe, let me know what you guys want to see, what you thought of the post, or if you just want to say hi! Follow me on social media, all of those are on the Contact Page.  Wishing all of you a happy end of the semester and sending you good vibes always and a spirit of calm in this stressful time!

Sincerely,

Subi