11 Truths.

This is for all the times I’ve stood in a mirror for way too long overanalyzing my features, praying that my insecurities would melt away. Hoping that my booty grew or my acne would just give it a rest. This is for the time I opened my front camera after 3 days of not looking at myself to see that acne had taken over and I was someone I could not recognize. This is hard, but this is for me. A few weeks ago I posted a picture that was untouched, unrefined. Heart beating, sweating, pass out scary. But so necessary. Instagram is a powerful platform, but I wanted to hold myself accountable and add it to my blog for good measure. Think it, write it, say it aloud, pray upon it to solidify. Here goes. 
1. My real name is not Subi 💕 — For those of you who have known me for some time, my real name is not far from that name I go by now. Everyone started calling me this when I started college and it sort of stuck. It was a family name and now this is what people yell across the quad to get my attention! I like the sound of it.
2. Acne is my biggest insecurity. — Woah. Heart beating, sweating, pass out, breathe. Acne is my biggest insecurity. In my senior year of high school, I began AP classes in order to get ahead for college. This was the time that my acne began as well. Sleepless nights, stress and a whole lot of coffee. There was no getting a hold of it. My mom surprised me with proactive during Christmas holiday and my skin was clear for years. I love proactive. Summer 2017. The summer before my senior year of college rolls around and after some research, I decided that Proactiv was hurting more than helping me. (Seriously guys it’s a super drug for acne.) I was in the midst of changing the way I lived and wanted to try a natural route. I knew the acne would come back but never the way it did. It was bad. When I had a bad breakout, which was quite often, I would want to run and hide in a dark room from everyone. This is the one thing in my life that I feel like I’ll never be able to control. I am challenging myself to embrace this insecurity and use it to inspire and uplift because no one should look in the mirror and not like what they see. I’m learning to embrace all of my flaws. One step at a time. I’m planning to write a post all about my skin journey soon guys, so stay tuned. 
3. I have never been to a hair salon. — Such a silly truth but really! I taught myself to do my hair: trim it, style it, and nourish it. It may not be perfect but it’s working for me! I could never find a stylist to do my hair or cut it without applying heat and that was and is a no-go for me. It wasn’t until a few years ago that deva cuts, trims, and haircuts formulated for curly hair evolved and became uber popular. One day, I’d like to take a leap and trust in a stylist to give me my first experience in their chair.
4. Nothing makes my heart sing more than travel. The rush of takeoff and the thrill of being in the air, the colors, immersing myself in different cultures the clouds… there is nothing like it. Many of you know that I went abroad for the first time in the fall of 2016 for school. My world has been changed since. One day I will travel the world and make money off of adventure.
5. My favorite color is Blue 🦋 — No wild story here, I’ve always loved blue. As a child up until high school, it was all I would wear. I felt most at peace in blue. Maybe it’s because blue reminds me of the sea? I love the ocean and the wonderful things in it, and this brings me to my sixth truth.
6. I am a Cancer 🦀 — Yea yea, we’re intense. Nià if you’re reading this don’t even girl LOL. I had no clue about horoscopes and all that star sign stuff until recently and I’m learning. Some of it accurate, other stuff, eh, I feel like it’s not talking about me, but do all cancers say that?? I am intense though, honest and sometimes a liiiitttle unwilling to take on blame immediately before explaining myself. (Confession.) But we all have our weaknesses right? I am still learning mine.
7. #SubiToVegan — I have just begun my journey into a meatless diet in the efforts to get a hold on my health. Lately, my body hasn’t been processing meat or fish as it used to, so I went out on a limb and decided to give it all up. It’s going well! I’m documenting my journey as a college student on meal plan through Instagram with a highlight stuck to my page. It’s going well! I’ll let you guys know when I give up ice cream. hahaha *neverrr*
8. Fear of Driving — It wasn’t always this way. I had my first car accident on October 15,2017 at 12:15AM. Each time I step into a car, I relive those horrible moments. It’s almost like I’m in a movie, outside looking in at the tragedy. Every day I think about what I could have done to prevent it, but we can’t change the past. Slowly but surely, I’m making my peace with it. I don’t know when and if I’ll ever be confident enough to get behind the wheel again, but whenever that time comes, I pray to be ready 🚘
9. Hidden Talents — I sing. Not in the belt-it-to-your-favorite-song-in-the- shower kind of sing, though I do that too. I was in chorus/choir from elementary school until I graduated from high school. I’m not Beyonce but ya girl can carry a tune!! When I got to college, I gave it up because I thought I was wasting my time when I could be taking classes. God granted me this beautiful gift and I don’t use it often enough. I’m going to sing more, maybe I’ll film a youtube video this year with my vocals in the back, we’ll see.
10. Flowers = Funerals? — I don’t like the smell of cut flowers because they remind me of funerals🥀 I’ll never forget the day of my grandfather’s funeral and the tens of flowers in our house, at the church, at the memorial home. I was so young but that smell, I haven’t forgotten. I’m not a fan of bouquets for this reason, though they are pretty. But, give me a green, living, breathing plant in a pot and I’m warm all over happy.
11. Smile — My favorite part about me. See me in any family photo, I am cheezing like mozzarella, I love smiling!! It makes me feel good, and especially when I’m around people who I love and who have really great energy, it’s a done deal. You won’t find me smiling down the street like a goof tho, that creeps me out!!
Hopefully,  this, all of you will know me a little better. There’s much more to me, but this is a start.

 

Sending you hugs and good energy through the internet waves,

xoxo, Subi

#RawInfluencing

Hey there! I hope all of you are thriving and living life fine. Today I wanted to come to you with a post to continue to set the mood for what you should expect from the blog and me, as an influencer. Some of you may have noticed that my Instagram has taken a bit of a shift in these past weeks. Hopefully, this post will help clear up some confusion and curiosity.

This all started about 5 months ago and I was scrolling through social media, no less, and realized that so many of the pages I came across were so beautifully put together, almost to the point where I felt a bit skeptical about the truth behind the posts. Pages were set grayscale or white, grainy or polaroid, but the content was a little too staged. See, it hit me that all of these pages that I was seeing, pages run by these influencers that young men and women were looking up to, people these young kings and queens aspired to be, we’re not painting a fair picture. Now let’s backtrack.

There is nothing wrong with having an Instagram page that is aesthetically pleasing to the eye. It’s no easy feat! If it was, everyone would do it. I am here for the content creating, the brand partnership, the documentation of good things to inspire others. There is a problem with painting an unrealistic picture of how your life is lived. I say this because that same picture you are painting is what these young leaders are buying and hanging up in their house of trust, trusting that you are who you say you are, and no one else. That perfect picture may or may not be the whole story. Privacy is a must; I’m all for keeping certain parts of your life just for you; it’s when you allude to living a perfect life with no worries, or when you get to a certain place in life and don’t share the struggles it took you to get there is where it gets tricky.

See, these young men and women, they are looking to you, to me, to us, to guide them. It’s a heavy burden to bear- you want to stay true but sometimes the truth may not get 10000 likes, it only gets 400. Or it’s scary. Maybe your management isn’t down for it. But we’ve taken this job on, and we have a duty to not only to them- to readers, supporters, fans even- to urge ourselves to be our most authentic. I remember 4 years ago scrolling on social media thinking, ” Wow, I could never do what they do,” or “I wish I could be her, maybe just for a day. What’s that like?” I never wanted to feel that way again.

Which brings me to my new mission of #Raw Influencing. I curated this hashtag to stand as my pledge and promise to always be my most authentic self on and off of social media. It means that while influencing, I will be me, and only me. I don’t want to paint a picture of this perfect life where it’s all glamour and fun minus a bump in the road because let’s just real– my life is sometimes a mess, and you know what? That’s okay. #Raw  I am a young woman, still figuring life out, wisdom comes in trials, failure comes with success. All days are not good hair days or skin days #Raw — trust me we’ll talk about that–  and there are even days where I simply don’t feel like posting or writing or creating content. But I’m a big sharer. My parents and friends tell me that sometimes I share too much, and to an extent, yes, but there are times when the bit of over sharing is just enough. I’m happy to do so. Living a double life is not for me, that’s a whole other job that I’d have to take on and I simply will not. Some days it’s hard to stay true. To remain authentic. To tell the whole story, but you know what? When you become the person you were always meant to be and let that bit of fear go that is holding you back from truly shining, God will show you favor, the universe will treat you kind and breathing will come easy. I have faith in me to do this; I urge all of you reading this, wherever you are, to hold me accountable. Challenge me- push me further –  all in love of course. I want to be more. Thank you in advance for being an active part of my journey. I’m so excited to grow with all of you.

Sending you hugs through the internet waves.

xoxo, Subi

The Trouble with Comparison.

Hey there!

Summer months are important; the #glowup is so crucial to so many of us. You may find yourself wrapped up in YouTube videos on how to slay your hair poolside or how to contour effectively… you might just find yourself in a place where you start to think/say “Why can’t I do this like …” Stop. Right. There.

Someone once came to me in a state; they were worried about so many things and had many questions. “Why am I single? Why don’t I have a job? Why don’t I know what I’m doing with the rest of my life? So and So just got engaged, I’m 20! Why haven’t I found the one? What if I never find the one? Why is everything so hard? Why am I here, why do we even do it all? What’s the point?” So it got me thinking; Why is everyone always comparing themselves to other people, celebrities, friends? How do you be and become your best self and constantly compare your progress to others? You can’t. You won’t. Think of these 5 things next time you freak out:

  1. There is no rush. You have so much of your life to explore, and to simply, be. Your 20s will be the best years of your life; don’t waste them. I read somewhere that life should be about the verbs. So go hiking, swimming in a lagoon, swimming with dolphins, explore and live. Be selfish, take yourself out to a dine in restaurant- alone. Go on that trip you’ve always wanted to go on. Travel to the beach solo, put yourself out of your comfort zone, you meet so many more people this way, trust me.
  2. Do not put people on a pedestal who relate to you in no ways. One big mistake that someone can do is to look up to someone or idolize someone who has nothing in common with them. For instance, say you have a hair crush, and you watch all of their YouTube videos, study their hair regimen, but the products they use, and after 2 months of the same thing you see no changes in you hair. Your hair is not growing like theirs is, and now you’re sad. Ask yourself: why am I not seeing changes? Do we have the same hair type? Do we live in the same environment? What works for one person may not work for you. Shake it off and head back to the drawing board; you got this.
  3. There is a reason for everything. Every thought that passes through your beautiful mind, whether you act upon it or not, has a reason behind it. Do you sleep all day because you’re tired, or because you’re afraid? Are you really putting yourself in a position to be proud of yourself? Are you giving yourself grace? If not, why? Why does it hurt you to see someone doing better than you are? Are you truly confident, really confident? Do you live for you, or for everyone else? If not for you, than for who? IMG_0535
  4. Be your own fire. Use what inspires you as a guide and make it your own. Your favorite blogger may travel around the world, and you may want to do the same but you know your bank account is not having ittt (we’ve all been there). Put yourself in a position to make all of your “I wish could” thoughts into “When I…” spoken words of action. You are the only one with the power to change who you are, inspiration is simply fuel. Only YOU can be the one to strike the match and set that fire ablaze. It’s okay to be afraid, but go ahead, dot it. Light it up.
  5. It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re not where you want to be. This is the first step to bring you right where you were meant to be all along. The first step on any road to the top is acknowledging that there is a problem. All things worth doing are not always easy. The minute you get out of your comfort zone and put yourself in a position for change, real results, nothing can stop you. Those same people who you want to be like don’t have it all figured out, I assure you! They didn’t end up where they are overnight. So, what do you want to change about yourself? Do you want to read more? Exercise more? Save more? Be less careful? Be bolder? Be more?
  6. The only person that you have to compete with is the person you were yesterday. It’s all about perception. If you killed the day yesterday, wouldn’t you want to do it all over again tomorrow, but better and with more passion, with less complaints? That is who you should aim to be. The best version of yourself. Not the girl who has a different hair type and whose body is thin and fit. But you, flaws and all. This goes to say that you know yourself better than anyone else- guaranteed. Only you know what truly works for you, so listen to your body, your hair, and your heart & head combined. This is the most important thing to keep in mind. Challenge yourself. Leap to new heights. Give more. Be more. IMG_1710
  7. There is strength and something to be feared in the one who is completely themselves. Guys believe me! Remember that man/woman who you had your eye on, but whose attention got caught by the sassy woman /striking man across the room? That was no stroke of luck. You attract what you offer. When you walk into a room and all these thought are in your head, is your outfit right? Do you look like you could pull this all off with minimal effort? Are you comparing yourself to the woman 2 leagues from you who looks put together? All of these worries, these thoughts, are written on your face and people can tell. So why fret? The person you are is who you are, and your friends and significant others will be able to tell that this is the real you, truly you. There is nothing to fear. Let all of the stress and What-Ifs go.

We all have things we wish we could change, people we want to be, but in the end, we all just need to be ourselves and stop comparing ourselves to others. Comparison of yourself to others is a root of unhappiness, and no one wants to be without joy. The moment in which you decide to drop the self-doubt, the worries, the fear, is the moment that you become a true force, and you are just that. If you have any questions about who I am, what’s going on in my head as I write these pieces and share them with you guys, why I am who I am, don’t hesitate to reach out, and post a comment.  Send me an email, come through on Instagram, Twitter, I want to hear from you! Don’t forget to subscribe, let me know what you guys want to see, what you thought of the post, if you’d like me to write something or if you just want to say hi! Follow me on social media, all of that info is on the Contact Page.

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I am still growing and changing. With each day comes a new lesson, I am learning each day. With a few weeks left until I am 21, I still have so much to learn.

Sending you light and good vibes on this beautiful day to be alive.

 

Sincerely,

Subi

 

 

 

Waiting… and Waiting

Dear Reader,

As I step into my junior year at The University of Georgia, I experience a different feeling. I which my closest friends go from class to class and meet up for lunches and catch-up between advising appointments and yet, I am not doing any of these things. I am not attending classes, I’m not booking advising appointments and I’m certainly not gathering syllabi from professors. I am waiting. I am waiting for my third year to start. I am getting my passport situated and researching “how to pack and not go over the weight limit” or booking my plane ticket. Instead of going to class August 11th like all of my friends, I’m preparing for my biggest adventure and challenge: Study Abroad.

I got the news that I had been accepted into the UGA en France study abroad trip in the Spring of 2016. I was over the moon with excitement. New place, new continent, new language, new culture? It’s everything I ever dreamed of. But somehow in the midst of that I still found myself at a standstill. When I applied, I was encouraged to go on a trip without any of my friends in order to get that full experience all for myself, and I did. Now that I was in, really in, I started to put things in perspective and really think about how I wanted this experience to go. The doubt started to settle in. And the what-ifs piled up.

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Finding out I got into the program

What if I don’t make any friends? What if I don’t do well in my classes? What if my host family doesn’t like me? What if I don’t like my host family? What if I can;t pay for the trip?What if I get robbed? What if I get taken? All these suppositions and I hadn’t even gone to the first orientation, and I realized that that’s all they were, was supposition. These thoughts were based on fear. So, I took it one step at a time. I created a gofundme page at https://gofundme.com/SubiToFrance and I became proactive in raising the necessary money needed to get me to where I needed to be. I have been waiting for this opportunity since the 10th grade when I started to look at UGA seriously. I knew the ins and outs of the trip and I had researched and prayed and worked for this. I knew I was ready. All that was left to do was get there.

The summer passed by, May, June, July, and suddenly it’s August and classes are starting… and I’m still waiting. It’s a different kind of feeling, being on campus when I don’t have obligations to attend classes or buy books, and all I have on my agenda is work. You have a new appreciation for meeting up with friends in the Student Center or grabbing coffee and a muffin in between classes. All the time is precious. I leave Athens for home in 4 days. That gives me 96 more hours with my friends until I disappear for 4 months to another continent. But you know what? I’m ready for this adventure, ready to challenge myself and immerse my thoughts in the French language and culture. So while I sit and wait for another 24 days until my departure, this is what I have to look forward to, am looking forward to. This is what I am waiting for.

Sincerely,

Subi

You are your Greatest Adventure

Dear Reader,

There is no time like now, today, in these moments. And that is why it’s called the present. ~ Some Wise Person

As a young adult in America, you see so many new ads, trends, the new hype of fashion and the aesthetic of not caring about the world and living in the moment. It get’s to be a little overwhelming, don’t you think? These all-natural diets that claim to make you feel good inside and more alive (been there done that), let m put it this way: all the bs gets old. But as a young adult in America in this day in age, you have the opportunity to do what our parents may have not been able to do: Look for the real you.

 

First things first, you need to really stop and think. This is big step, finding you, it’s going to be a little hard, hey, and maybe it’ll be easy! You up for this?

Make a promise to yourself: When the going get’s rough, you’ll look in the mirror and say, “Hey there gorgeous/handsome. You can do this.” Make a list of all the things you’ve always wanted to do just to get you started. Here are some of mine:

  • Go hiking
    • If you’re not the adventuring type, this might just be the thing for you! Now hear me out, hiking doesn’t mean you need to scale up Kilimanjaro tomorrow, but find a nature trail near you, get some good sneakers and some comfortable clothes. Leave your phone off. Or on do not disturb. You’d be surprised how much time you have to think when you’re not snap chatting your nature walk or sending videos of the cool bird you found or the sunset in the woods.

 

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  • Swim in a clear ocean
    • You know what that means! T R A V E L. Save up and go to that place and getaway just like you always wanted to. Yow that’ll love it, I promise. I’m taking my own advice and doing that soon!!! (Another post to come)
    • And if you’re afraid of the ocean (some people are) find a natural spring, maybe a national park, and swim there. Still good.

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  • Fly a kite
    • Let’s be real I just thought of this one, but now that I think about it. hey, why not! I’ve never done it before. It looks like fun!!
  • Go to an art museum… and really look at the art
    • This past week, I went to the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, Georgia. Now it’s not the Louvre or the Guggenheim, but man it was fun! Three floors of art, one space, winding staircases and the light, don’t get me started on the amazing sunlight all throughout the building. (Not to mention the selfie lighting! Ladies you know what I mean)

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  • Read all the books you’ve wondered about (make that list)
    • I used to read all the time. When I got to college I “didn’t have time anymore” but you make time for the things you want to do so I’m going to do just that. Starting with Ana Karenina.
  • Eat new foods (another list)
    • Try new restaurants… alone
    • Ethnic food is always a  y e s. Do it.
  • Find a new favorite food
    • Right now mine is shrimp, I can make it into anything.
    • When I tried sushi for the first time I found a new favorite fish – yellowtail. But I only like it raw and classic sushi which is interesting!

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  • Pray more
    • Believe in something. The Bible and the Quran are holy books there is so much to learn, so much knowledge. And even if you decide not to convert, prayer is soothing and it helps sort out all the gunk in life. There is this calm that passes over you, and this feeling of… completion. Try it, let me know what you think, just throwing it out there.

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Always remember that you owe it to yourself to find out who you really are. This journey is going to change your life and you’re almost there! Last piece of advice: trust you. You got this. And even if you don’t you will eventually. There’s no rush on the creative process and you are your greatest masterpiece.

 

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Don’t miss out.

Sincerely,

Subi